Ordering a Cake while Drunk

Please don't do it.
I swear that the weirdos who need something from the bakery at the local megamart wait until right before I get to clock out to ask me for help.  Normally I only work there on Mondays, and Mondays are pretty laid back...that is, customer-wise, work is still on a GO! GO! GO! speed.  But this past week, I agreed to work an extra day to fill in for people taking off for spring break (big mistake, but not one I knew about in time because the chick who schedules our caterings forgot to mention that there we were catering a wedding the day afterwards... but that issue is another post... well, actually another rant, but I'll save that for when I'm not still pissed off about it).

ANYWAY... I dislike working the weekend at the grocery store because that's when customers are at their worst.  People who are probably quite nice at home will scream and yell and behave like assholes. 

• I'm sorry that you forgot to order a cake for the wedding and you have only 30 minutes to get it there--I do not have a cake in that size that's not still frozen.

• I'm sorry that you spent the last month planning a Disney Princess birthday party for your daughter and you forgot to order the cake for today's party, and also that we sold the last Disney Princess deco kit a few hours ago and we're temporarily out of them until our next shipment comes in on Tuesday... but you somehow remembered to order the matching balloons in our party center a week ago... and just forgot the cake... even when the party center told you they could order it for you so you didn't have to.

• Oops, you forgot to tell us that the face on the cake was supposed to have a goatee.  I know that you signed off on the image we drew to your specifications and you didn't notice it then... but I'm not giving you the cake for free because we did exactly what you told us to do.  You are the reason we don't do freehand drawings anymore.
  

• Just because the name on the order forms (not the cakes) wasn't the one you gave me when you came in to pick up the cakes doesn't mean that you can yell at me about having a bad attitude.  That was the one time I almost reached across the counter to strangle you before my manager came over to see what you and your two friends were screaming about.  So the person who ordered the cake was Dominic instead of Shawna?  Who gives a fuck?  All three cakes were exactly what you wanted and you even admitted that before you went bonkers.

• No, we don't carry that brand.  Please stop yelling at me.  The corporate office makes that decision.  Damn it!  I said stop yelling!

• Sorry, but we're a grocery store bakery.  Our cakes are baked in our bakeshop in San Antonio and are frozen and shipped here.  We just decorate them.  No, unless you're at a Whole Foods or Central Market, grocery stores do not bake their cakes on site.  No, I don't care what you say... Walmart doesn't bake theirs on-site either.  Yes, I DO know this for a fact.  Please lady, go to Walmart and leave me alone.

Yes, these have all happened... and they're only a fraction of the joyful experience I've had since this placed opened. 

This weekend I got a new story to add to my list.  Thirty minutes before I was done for the day, a lady and her teenaged daughter came up to the counter to order a cake.  This took quite a while because this lady was having trouble standing up, paused between every few words, had trouble remembering what she had asked for the moment before, and she smelled like she had been marinating in a vast amount of cheap beer.  This makes taking a cake order a very non-entertaining experience.   Her daughter tried to help and was loudly told to shut up.  Sadly, she wanted a cake that we don't decorate ourselves and can't customize.  After telling her this several times, she finally decided to order another cake.... and then proceeded to try to get the same one by asking for it in a different way.  When I pointed this out, she actually snarled at me (kinda weird when it happens in real life) and staggered off, leaving me with a long line of customers that had built up while I was dealing with her for over 15 minutes.

And I detest the smell of cheap beer.

Space Cookies!

A friend of ours owns a data recovery company. This is a good thing because snarkyboy accidentally lost some info and needed an emergency fix one Sunday evening.  Our friend was kind enough to open up his office, on his first weekend off in quite a while, to help us out.  So as an additional thank you, I made him a batch of space themed cookies.

 

Both the sun and moon cookie cutters were spur of the moment purchases, but the rocketship was something I HAD to have the moment I saw it.  They need to make more geeky cookie cutters... a D&D theme would be kinda cool.  I know our friend would like it, and we'll probably need his services again in the future.

 

Clothing Size Disconnect

My husband bought me the cutest t-shirt last month.  It's Cheese, from the Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends cartoon. 

Cute, isn't it?  

Too bad that's not what it looks like on me.

Snarkyboy didn't realize that although I normally wear an XL in t-shirt sizes--baby doll t-shirt sizes are different.  An XL in a baby doll is waaaaaaaayyyyyyy too small for me.  I mean you can see every little ripple and bulge. 

Take a look, I dare you:

 

 As much as I love my new shirt, I don't think I'll be wearing it outside the house until I lose another 20 or 30 pounds.  Thank goodness the t-shirt he got me for Valentine's Day fits just fine.

 

Music to Cook by...

This is more of a geek post than anything else.


I enjoy listening to music.  My husband, on the other hand, is a music freak.  He's not an audiophile like Monica in Wapsi Square, but he does know quite a bit about who sings what/who writes what/who was a studio musician for so-and-so, etc. (I haven't been able to find the proper word to describe someone like that).  He has a huge CD collection and keeps our personal radio station (KMAG) going.  Yeah, it's only server with our music on it, but with it running 24 hours a day with only the songs we like--it's better than any station out there.  In fact, a few days ago, we celebrated KMAG playing it's 600,000 song.  I also have a nice little speaker setup next to the kitchen so I can hook up my iPod and listen to whatever personal Playlist is appropriate for the moment (working, cleaning, gardening, kitchen, writing, and so on.  Yes, I have different music for different activities, although working, cleaning, and kitchen are actually the same playlist.).  It's thanks to my husband's music mania that I've been able to expand my own musical horizons.

One day last week I was working in the kitchen and baking along to my music when Scissor Sisters' "I Don't Feel like Dancin'" came on.  I stopped what I was doing and started dancing around the house like the big goober I am.  Seriously, you can't keep still when this song is playing.  That made me think about sharing some of the music I listen to when I'm baking.  This post is mostly aimed at my sister who has recently acquired her very own iPod and needs to find something other than the stuff her kids listen to.  I've listed 22 of the 208 songs in my Snarkychef playlist (in no particular order).  Some are new and some are pretty old, but I love 'em anyway.

1. "Fat Bottom Girls" by Antigone Rising, Album: Killer Queen
2. "Just Enough" by Aslyn, Album: Lemon Love
3. "Hungry Town" by Big Pig, Album: Bonk
4. "That’s the Kind of Sugar" by The Brian Setzer Orchestra, Album: VaVoom
5. "Glad to be Alive" by Cowboy Mouth, Album: Voodoo Shoppe
6. "Solid Gold" by the Eagles of Death Metal, Album: Death by Sexy
7. "Do you Want To" by Franz Ferdinand, Album: You Could Have it so Much Better
8. "Kissing Asphalt" by the Go-Go’s, Album: God Bless the Go-Go’s
9. "Shiny Shiny" by Haysi Fantayzee, Album: Battle Hymns for Children Singing
10. "Us Amazonians" by Kirsty MacColl, Album: Tropical Brainstorm
11. "I’ll Be Anything You Want" by Melissa Auf der Maur, Album: Auf Der Maur
12. "Do What You Want" by OK Go, Album: Oh No
13. "Here it Goes Again" by OK Go, Album: Oh No
14. "The New Kid" by Old 97’s, Album: Drag it Up
15. "Planet Tokyo" by Puffy AmiYumi, Album: NICE.
16. "Shall we Dance?"  by Puffy AmiYumi, Album: Splurge
17. "Eden" by Rick Springfield, Album: Shock Denial Anger Acceptance
18. "I Don’t Feel like Dancin’" by Scissor Sisters, Album: Ta-Dah!
19. "Kiss You Off" by Scissor Sisters, Album: Ta-Dah!
20. "Ripper Sole" by Stomp, Album: Tank Girl Soundtrack
    
21. "She’s So High" by Tal Bachman, Album: Tal Bachman
22. "Close but No Cigar" by Weird Al Yankovic, Album: Straight out of Lynwood

Favorite Books: Baking Illustrated

At the cafe, we have a resource library that we use for both unusual catering requests and standard cooking issues.  I picked up Baking Illustrated: The Practical Kitchen Companion for the Home Baker as something to look through during a short break, and now it's my new favorite baking resource book. 

The people of Cook's Illustrated have put together a collection of their best baking recipes (which is nice) along with a brief, and sometimes not so brief, synopsis of why that recipe works better than other variations (which is even nicer).  I don't always use the recipes out of the book, but I do read up on it before working on new recipes.  This is because the book tells you not only what does and does not work--but also WHY it does or does not work.  This is what makes Baking Illustrated an important book for people who like to tinker with recipes.

 

 

Sadly, I don't own this book yet.  Amazon.com has it for about $11 less than the bookstore, but snarkyboy won't let me buy it until I unload some stuff on ebay.  I guess I need to start rummaging through my geek collection and find something to let loose.

Italian Cream Cake

I'm still working one day a week at the local megamarket.  In the bakery, we have a an Italian Cream Cake that sells fairly well.  What makes me cringe, however, is what I have to tell people when they ask me if it's any good. 

"Oh, I don't like Italian Cream Cake, so I wouldn't know."

What bullshit.  I love a good Italian Cream Cake, although it's difficult to find one that's not dry and tasteless... like the one we sell at the megamart.  Since I can't come out and actually say that ours is a nasty pile of shit with a greasy shortening based icing, I have to weasel my way out of answering the question by using the line above.
 
Luckily, my boss at the cafe has a recipe that she's known for, and she was kind enough to give it to me (besides the fact that I have to use it to make our Valentine's Day cakes--she also gave me permission to use it personally and professionally).  It's wonderful, moist, flavorful, and not too heavy.  I admit I made a few small changes to it to reflect my tastes, but it's a huge hit with my family and friends.
For her birthday last week, my Mom requested the cake below.  I was only planning on doing a top border and a single rose, but then for some reason I went nuts and added a side ribbon, more roses, and a bunch of rosebuds.  Because it's top-heavy, it kinda looks like a squished down mushroom.  Mom loves the fruffy stuff, so it was fine.

 

I have another one to make tonight.  I'm taking it to a friend (a local bread god) on Monday who's going to give his professional opinion on whether it's as good as the one they make a Central Market.  It took me a while to convince him that I want him to be completely honest with me.  After all, if I'm being humored, how do I know what needs to be fixed?  And I have no intention of being second best, no matter how long it takes.

Ok, that sounded a little arrogant, but that's the best description of how I feel.  For most of my life I coasted along the road of adequacy, but for some reason the culinary world has brought out a new competitive side of me.  Maybe it's just early menopause....

The Only Good Zucchini is a Dead Zucchini

I'm not a zucchini person.  In fact, the only two ways I'll even eat zucchini is either when it's battered and deep-fried, or when it's in a quick bread.  For some reason I decided to try making a fruity flavored zucchini bread that used the dried mango I recently found at Costco (this stuff is fabulous!).  My first attempt was heavy, dark and gummy, so I didn't even bother to photograph it.  The second time it came out much lighter in texture, color, and with a more delicate flavor.  It's still not where I want it to be, but this time it was too pretty not to take photos. 

 The green flecks are zucchini, the white are chopped almonds and coconut (although you really can't see the coconut much), the yellow are dried pineapples, and the orange are the dried mangos.  I also used just a bit of rum for the hell of it.  I'd like it to be a bit sweeter, but the rest of it is close to what I'm looking for.  My boss wanted to use it for work, but I pointed out that the profit margin on it would be much lower than our other quick breads because of the almonds and dried fruit.  This time I wanted to create a bread specifically for my cookbook, and not for the company.

As Time goes By

Thanksgiving came and went without time to blog.  Las Vegas passed on by with some updates on my other site, but no access to Vox (and for some reason I didn't photograph all the desserts that I sampled while there).  Work after returning was insane, Christmas was very busy, and it's now February.  My new resolution is to blog at least three times a week, and then we'll see about working up to five.